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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25140043">Happy New Year</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/llcflms/pseuds/llcflms'>llcflms</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ayahina Week 2017 [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tokyo Ghoul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, cute rooftop cuddling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:02:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,605</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25140043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/llcflms/pseuds/llcflms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ayato isn't so happy on the new year and Hinami keeps him company.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fueguchi Hinami/Kirishima Ayato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ayahina Week 2017 [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Happy New Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ayahina Week Day 6 (March 31st): Nights / Stargazing</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Happy New Year!”</p><p>The screams from a carnival a short distance away are eventually overpowered by the bursts of fireworks in the sky. Ayato winces at the sounds, wondering just how anyone can find them pleasing. The explosions resemble bombs and gunshots far too much for him to enjoy them, even despite their colourful sparks and patterns. It’s not like he’s afraid, but when he’s out of missions and trying his best to relax, those aren’t exactly the things he likes listening to. The fireworks culminate after a while but the place gets no quieter. The carnival starts blaring a playlist of annoying pop songs one after another and screams and squeals from the celebrations fill his ears.</p><p>Ayato groans and hugs himself tighter, rolling his eyes up to look at the sky above him. He’s facing away from the carnival, overlooking the uninhabited land before him. It’s a genuinely peaceful sight, one he usually sits and drinks in during the peace and quiet of most nights. It’s somewhat refreshing, to see no glass buildings, concrete walkways and blinding lights. What’s there for him to see is green after green, with more clumps of bushes and trees. The sky above, unlike that of the city, is littered with stars, as if someone had flicked a brush of glittery silver paint onto a dark blue canvas.</p><p>If he has to be completely honest, he doesn’t mind the noisy partying behind him as much as he minds the reason for the celebration. For Kirishima Ayato, the first day of every new year is never a happy one. Ever since he was five, the First of January is a day of mourning and sorrow more than that of joy and celebration— not that he’ll admit it, though it is easier to admit that he sees nothing special in celebrating the turn of the year.</p><p>Despite the deafening carnival, Ayato is still able to pick up the slight squeak of a door swinging open behind him. He listens as the footsteps that follow after approach him, turning his head slightly only when they stop.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What are you doing?” the person asks.</p><p>“Oh, it’s you, huh, Hina?” he murmurs. “Nothing much. Just hanging around.”</p><p>“We’re having a mini celebration downstairs. Come on,” she says.</p><p>Ayato shakes his head. “I’m not really fond of the New Year.” He doesn’t have to be honest with her. He could simply have said that he wasn’t in the mood to socialize and she would leave him alone. But when he’s with her, he wants to be honest.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because of reasons,” he admits. Okay, maybe not always honest. But it’s not like he lied to her. He does hate the holiday because of his own reasons. He’s just being selectively truthful.</p><p>Hinami takes the hint and she doesn’t prod any further. But she knows him just as well as he knows her. It doesn’t take long or much for her to figure out his mood and she can see that the Ayato before her was in a really bad mood. It’s a different kind of bad mood from his usual snappy self. This time, he seems more upset than vexed. His walls are crumbling but she can see him desperately trying to hold them up the best he can. She wonders if he himself realizes just how close he is to falling apart. His body is turned away from her so she can’t see his expression. He doesn’t say enough to tell her that something is bothering him. But from the way his voice sounded—soft, weak and lacking any hints of confidence— she can tell he isn’t exactly himself at this very moment. Or maybe he is. Maybe this is the person he truly is behind that façade he hides behind time after time.</p><p>Sometimes she doesn’t really get him, though she doesn’t mind it. She has to admit that it is strangely appealing how it’s hard to read what’s truly in his heart.</p><p>“What is it?” he asks.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Just go on without me. It’s okay. You should go have fun.”</p><p><em>So should you…</em> She wants to be honest with him but she doesn’t know if she should. Will forcing him down even make anything better? Or will it make it worse?</p><p>“I don’t want to leave you here alone,” she says.</p><p>“I want to be alone.”</p><p>“No, you don’t. You never want to be alone. You hate it,” she insists. <em>Just like your sister.</em></p><p>Ayato remains silent, but he brings his hands up to his face and rubs his eyes. She can’t tell if he’s doing it because he’s tearing up or because his eyes are itching. Hinami doesn’t say anything else, but she walks up to him and kneels down behind him, before wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her chin on the top of his head. Her eyes scan the sight before them and as she shuts out the blaring music and screaming patrons of the carnival behind them, she imagines the tranquillity of the place on any other day.</p><p>“It must be nice up here,” she comments.</p><p>Ayato nods. “I wish it’s like that today as well— today out of all days.”</p><p>Something had happened on the first of January, Hinami concludes. She wrecks her mind to try and recall how Touka was usually like during this period of the year but nothing truly comes to her mind. But even then, Touka had a habit of hiding things from her, especially if it was something that bothered the older girl. But in Ayato’s case, while he did start off like that, it seems like he’s been relaxing around her. She’s gotten more used more to seeing Ayato’s honest feelings than Touka’s and Hinami wonders why that is the case. Isn’t Touka supposed to be her beloved Onee-chan?</p><p>Ayato relaxes into her embrace and Hinami leans into him more. Her nose is buried in his hair and she can smell the strange scent of his shampoo— she never truly knew what flavour it was— but among it, it isn’t too hard to pick out traces of blood. Once, she would have been frightened whenever she was around someone who had the smell of blood lingering off them, but now she doesn’t mind it any longer. In fact, she finds strange solace in it. Touka smelled of blood when she saved Hinami from that terrifyingly deformed investigator. Kaneki smelled of blood whenever he tucked her into bed after a mission. Ayato practically smelled of it at every point of time, so much so Hinami figures it has been permanently embedded onto his skin, body and clothes. The fetid reek of blood continues to feel her nostrils yet she does nothing and continues to hold him.</p><p>“The stars are so pretty,” he murmurs.</p><p>Hinami wonders if he’s ever seen the sight of himself looking up at the stars in the dead of the night. It’s something she gets a clear view of from her room’s window— something she’s spent too much time silently admiring.</p><p>“I heard a story once about how when we die, our souls rise up to become stars. Somewhere out there, our ancestors watch over us,” she explains. <em>Just like Mother and Father.</em></p><p>“Oh?” he sighs. Ayato reaches out weakly with one hand, raising it so that he’s staring at the sky between the middle and ring fingers of his hand. “I wonder who’s watching me now.”</p><p>“Your parents?”</p><p>“Hmm… they probably looked at me and decided that it’d be better to look at Touka instead,” he says. He’s laughing but at the same time, his voice cracks and he chokes on his words. Hinami wants to know more. She’s heard about his parents before, mainly from Touka, but it’s little things about how her mother was a beautiful woman or how her father loved humans. She knows nothing about how those two disappeared from the lives of their children and how Touka and Ayato grew up without them. Hinami can never imagine what it must have been for them— when her parents were gone, she had Touka and Kaneki with her and she was already much older.</p><p>She ponders over his words. He’s putting himself down way too much. His parents won’t do that. How can they? They’re his parents. If anything, Hinami figures they’ll be proud of him. He’s strong and brave. He cares for his friends. He protects the people he loves at the expense of himself. If she herself is able to find things to love and be proud of, she’s sure his parents are brimming with pride, even if he has made and continues to commit really terrible deeds.</p><p>
  <em>If I can love you, so can they.</em>
</p><p>She wants to know more but she still doesn’t prod. Hinami merely chooses to press a kiss lightly on the top of his head. <em>It’s okay. I’m here. You’re not alone.</em> She doesn’t have to say it out loud because she knows that he can read her. It’s funny how they’re so in sync at times, yet at other times they can never figure out what the other is thinking. She knows Ayato can tell that she wants to be with him, but she has no idea what it is that is bothering him. She can make a vague guess, but she doesn’t know if it’s right.</p><p>“Hinami?” Ayato says softly, dropping his hand to his side. He leans into her even more. His body goes completely limp, merely being held up by hers.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Let’s stay like this for a while.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>January 1 is actually Arata's birthday so I can imagine that the New Year is never truly a happy day for Touka and Ayato.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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